The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]


Fifty Not Out …

I know what you’re thinking …

Or should I say, I know what you were hoping.

That hitting 50 and having 10 days off would make me re-evaluate what I’m doing?

That I’d start to value afternoon naps versus writing stupid blog posts.

Well, if I was smart, maybe that would be the case … but I’m not, so here I am.

To show my age has done nothing to extinguish my pain-in-the-ass spirit, I thought I’d post about a little project I have going on.

It kind of comes out of the Corporate Gaslighting work I’ve done and basically relates to what seems to be the skills, modern management values most.

Now there are plenty of very, very good leaders out there …

But, and this is only personal opinion, it seems there are far more bad.

Now I appreciate some will view what I’m doing and say the people I’m describing are not bad, they are simply ‘optimising’ their position. However, managers should achieve their success based on what they enable their people to achieve rather than trying to ensure the spotlight falls just on them … so because of that, I stand by my view.

What’s scary is these attitudes and behaviours are so common that someone thought – when I posted one on social media – that I was celebrating them rather than mocking them.

That scares the crap out of me.

But not as much as the idea employees are being trained – consciously and subconsciously – to do this to further their career.

But I would like your help …

What am I missing?

What are terrible management practices that are being sold as ‘sensible’.

For example, with the blame thrower at the top of this post, I added the following:

If you don’t own your mistakes, let someone else own it. #LessonsFromModernManagement

And for this …

… I added this ‘lesson’:

It’s more effective to manage up than manage your standards. #LessonsFromModernManagement

But what else is there?

I’ve got one regarding the benefits of doing whatever someone wants you to do as well as destroying others careers is it proves you were made for success … but as I really want to turn this into some sort of alternative management book type-of-thing, I need a ton of them.

I know they’re out there.

I know I can come up with a lot myself.

But if you have any suggestions, I would be so grateful.

It may help someone not become the sort of manager that appears on Corporate Gaslighting.

Or allow someone who is suffering from this sort of ‘leader’, to realise they’re not to blame.

So I hope you can help.

Over to you …



Corporate Gaslighting Is Still On Fire …

Hello there …

Recently I spoke to a couple of people who told me about the experience they were having at work. Or should I say the bad experience they are having at work … and when I told them about Corporate Gaslighting, they looked at me as if they had literally found safety.

Unsurprisingly, this is not only because they were enduring the slow, systematic destruction of their confidence by a bad boss. but were being made to feel this was all their own fault.

While there are quite a lot of stories on the Corporate Gaslighting, it has not had many new stories come in.

I get it, it’s hard and scary.

But what I will say is this.

Not only is everything totally anonymous – and if you ever change your mind, I’ll do whatever works for you – the reality is sending in your story has 2 really tangible benefits.

The first is you feel a release in letting it out.

Part of the horror of being made to feel worthless at work is you keep it to yourself.

Of course you do, you’re made to feel you’re the failure so why would you ever want to tell anyone that.

That pressure can be hugely debilitating so letting it out not only helps you breathe again, it helps you start being in control of your situation rather than having that situation control you.

Second is your story will help others going through it.

Everyone who has written in has expressed their gratitude to read other stories like theirs.

It helps them know they’re not alone.

It’s not them.

It isn’t right.

So if you – or anyone you know – is facing this horrific situation at work with a bad boss, can you please point them to theytriedtokillmebuti.live … because even if they don’t want to submit their own story, reading others might help them feel they can get out of this, and for that alone, it’s worth it.

Thank you.



The Bigger They Are, The More Fragile Their Ego …

I appreciate I’m the last person to be saying this, but recently I’ve been exposed to some people who can only be described as having a very healthy ego.

You know the types … they say “I” instead of “we”.

They claim sole ownership for everything they’ve been a part of.

They talk about how their way is the way everyone will eventually adopt.

They are very in your face, view anyone who has a different point of view as the enemy and tends to align only with those who are of a similar make-up or are unfiltered in their adoration.

This does not mean these people are not good or clever.

They are.

Whether they are as good or clever as they think they are is another thing altogether.

But here’s the thing, working with them can be a nightmare.

You either play their game or you get discarded and slandered.

The amount of people who have written about these sorts of people on Corporate Gaslighting is incredible … and yet, because of their ego, they see their actions as ‘decisive’ rather than bullying and because they get stuff done, companies often view them as stars rather than grenades.

But here’s the thing …

The bigger the ego, the more they’re hiding.

An insecurity.

A past wrong.

A lack of knowledge in an area they should know.

At this point I should say you shouldn’t try to find what they’re hiding and then exploit it because then all you’re doing is being as bad as them, but there are also times when that is the only alternative.

And here’s how to do it without being a complete dick.

Listen.

Listen very, very carefully to what they’re saying.

Ask for clarification on points that may be ambiguous.

Give examples of situations where a different approach was successfully used to hear their perspective on it.

Don’t attack.

Don’t antagonise.

The point is there are always alternative ways to approach every problem and anyone who suggests otherwise is wrong.

The bully may believe their approach is the best. They may think that what they did had greater effectiveness than all the alternatives. But the reality is so much of that is subjective so if you let your ears do their job, then I guarantee you they’ll hear things that will allow you to offer an alternative that they themselves, will have created.

It’s not easy.

Even done gently and calmly it can be intimidating.

But it can work and the beauty of the egotist is that as much as they want the spotlight, they’re petrified of anyone who has the power to take it away from them, so they ensure that in the future, they’re also given a starring role.

And if none of that works, then you can always try Tom Hanks advice which is pretty good.

Or leave.

Because there’s never going to be enough room in any company for anyone if an individual believes they are the company.



Moments To Be Grateful …

As most of you know, a few months ago I wrote a post about how I had experienced the slow, systematic destruction of my confidence by bosses who had an inherent need to feel in control.

Of everything.

The post caused such a stir that it led to me starting the Corporate Gaslighting site.

While the majority of the hundreds of people who wrote to me were to scared to have their story put online, there are countless examples of management bullying that people have experienced and made to feel was their own fault.

Recently I worked on a project with an incredibly talented creative called Alex Holder.

One night, while sitting together trying to work out how to deal with a particularly difficult situation, we started discussing office bullying and bad management and found we had both experienced it in different guises.

While we both got out of our situations and have been able to move forward, we also know that is not the case for everyone and I told her about Corporate Gaslighting.

She was incredibly supportive of my endeavor and said she wanted to help.

To be honest, many people say that – and while I don’t doubt their intention – often things get in the way of them doing that.

But not Alex.

First of all she sent me a bunch of articles she had written linked to the subject.

Then she pointed people she knew in my direction.

But recently, she has written an article on the subject for Grazia magazine and ensured TheyTriedToKillMeButI.Live was name checked. [See Below]

I am insanely grateful for her support and for doing this.

Not because it legitimises what I am trying to do but because it raises awareness of the issue and hopefully will help someone experiencing this treatment to know they’re not alone, it’s not their fault and there are people ready to help.

Huge thank you to Alex – and Grazia Magazine – it means more than you know.

[You can read it more clearly here]