The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]


Welcome To Delusional …

I get pester power.

I understand how that dynamic can work and works.

I also know the airline industry is very competitive and the A380 hasn’t been as super-successful as was originally expected.

But – and it’s a really big but – I’m not sure that tactic will convince an airline carrier to suddenly start buying A380’s.

Not just because those planes – or any plane for that matter – are the sort of thing you buy on a whim, but because most airline travellers tend to choose the carrier rather than purely the plane they will be travelling on.

And then there’s the bullshit of their domain name.

iflya380.com

Look, I know the actual name of the plane is A380 – as in Airbus 380 – but the inclusion of the ‘a’ makes the domain name sound like it’s the passengers who fly the bloody thing.

As in I FLY A 380.

Why couldn’t they change it to ilovea380.com or itravela380.com?

Yes, I know I’m sounding John Doddslike, but it makes something bad even worse … and don’t even get me started on how utterly boring the website actually is when you go to it.

Honestly, what do they think this campaign is going to do?

What the hell are the KPI’s for this campaign?

And seriously, how the hell are they justifying ‘the passengers favourite’.

I would absolutely kill to know the thinking behind this work because in a weird way, it has put me off Airbus and A380’s … and judging by fact they’ve only received 14 emojis – of which at least 1 is ‘shocked’ – it would seem I’m not the only one.



The Gift That Keeps On Being Held Back …

So after the big news on Friday – at least big news for me – I thought I’d start this week with evidence that while my life will be changing, this blog will remain painfully the same.

A few weeks ago, I received an email from an industry magazine – based in Asia – saying I qualified for this.

To be honest, I was kind-of excited.

I love Wired and to get it free was going to be a lovely gift.

They even highlighted I didn’t need to provide ‘credit card’ info which meant it wasn’t a scam.

Hurrah!

So I quickly clicked on the link.

All they needed was my address.

That’s it.

Yes …

And so I quickly filled in the form, pressed send and then saw this on the screen.

“THIS OFFER IS NOT AVAILABLE TO PEOPLE IN YOUR REGION”

Eh?

What?

I did it again.

Same result.

I checked the email once more.

Clicked on the link once more.

Filled in the form once more.

Same result. Every single time.

Now I appreciate it’s not Mercury Magazine’s fault as they weren’t the people who sent me the original email, but you’d think that the company who did – who, let’s remember, are based in Asia – would have checked the people in their fucking region could receive what they’re supposedly offering them.

But it appears they didn’t … which means the special place I have in my heart for them, is one of hate, rather than love.

All because they were either lazy or stupid.

It blows my mind something as basic as this could be so badly done, which should serve as reminder to everyone in the industry that if we want to regain the respect we once enjoyed, it’s about what we do rather than what we say.



Details … Details … Details …

Maybe it’s because I’ve broken the screen on my iPhone 7 three times.

Maybe it’s because I work in advertising.

Or maybe it’s because I’m a sad bastard …

But this ad bothers me a lot.

No … it not the terribly contrived ‘real life’ image.

Nor is it the fact 25% of iPhone 7 owners are clumsy fucks.

It’s the fact the company – Tech 21 – make such a deal of being iPhone 7 specialists AND THEN USE AN IMAGE IN THEIR AD THAT ISN’T OF AN iPHONE 7!!!

Why?

Seriously why?

Don’t tell me there isn’t a stock shot available because I did a quick look and theres loads of them.

No one behind this campaign comes out of this looking good.

The agency look like they were lazy bastards and the client looks like they don’t care.

Seriously, why should I trust a company about their iPhone 7 protection when they don’t even know what an iPhone 7 looks like.

This sort of thing drives me bonkers.

Literally bonkers.

It’s not hard to get this right.

It’s the least they should be doing.

If I was a competitor I’d absolutely jump on this.

Mind you, if I was at the agency/client behind it, I’d be jumping on people’s heads.

So come on adland, let’s not give people even more ammunition to question what we do and how valuable it can be for business. Seriously, get a fucking grip.



Pepsi’s April Fools Ad Is Brilliant …

Well done Pepsi.

Where so many brands made their April Fool’s ad obvious as hell, you’ve gone with subtlety.

The use of a multi-cultural audience was brilliant.

I loved how you made sure they were all stunningly attractive to ensure minorities would find it even harder to feel like they belong.

Comedy gold.

And then you gave them all incredible creative talent to really rub people’s noses in it.

But not just any creative talent … you have them play Cello’s and use DLSR’s to show they have sophisticated taste as well as cash.

Lots and lots of cash.

You cheeky, cheeky monkeys.

And what can I say about that demonstration!

The most passive, bored-looking demonstration of all time.

Even when members of the crowd are supposedly struck by an overwhelming desire to express their creativity – like that scene from 80’s TV show, Fame – you can’t help but feel their version of self expression would be to play musical statues.

Seriously, whoever came up with that should win an Emmy.

I especially like the way you incorporated the Pepsi colours and logo in so many of those signs to really take-the-piss out of social movements.

Less, ‘stick it to the man’ and more ‘we are owned by the man’.

Brilliant.

I must admit, while I was enthralled, I wasn’t sure what the demonstrators were supposed to be demonstrating about.

Sure there was that banging soundtrack going on about ‘live for now’, but surely the opposite of ‘living for now’ is shuffling your feet in a demonstration rather than actually doing something you enjoy.

No wonder they looked so bored and walked like extras from ‘The Walking Dead’.

And that’s when you played your trump card … Kendall Jenner.

At first, I must admit I was confused.

Surely Kendell Jenner is the absolute opposite of raw, youthful energy?

But then you brought us right back into the humour by suggesting she would shun her luxury lifestyle to join a march that no one knows whats for, simply because some bloke with a cello strapped to her back smiled at her.

A bloke she would never encounter in normal life because she makes sure she never has to mingle with the common class.

Get these copywriters writing for Saturday Night Live NOW!

Just when I thought I couldn’t take any more, you upped the game again.

My god, are you insane?

Slowly we see the crowd of about 37 people come face to face with some nondescript Police Force.

I say nondescript, but they’re definitely not American.

Oh no, even you know not to take the piss out of the US Police Force.

I hold my breath wondering what is about to happen.

Then Kendell appears again …

And what’s she got in her hand?

Yes, a Pepsi. A can of fucking Pepsi.

She walks right up to the Policeman and hands it to him.

SHE FUCKING HANDS IT TO HIM!!!

Better yet, you make it so he takes the can and then takes a swig.

The crowd go wild.

Kendell walks backwards and disappears into the crowd.

What a twist … WHAT A FUCKING TWIST!!!

The 37, blue wearing, multicultural, creative practicing teens weren’t demonstrators at all, they were simply spreading the Pepsi word.

They were like Mormons.

Pepsi Mormons.

Absolutely amazing.

I tell you, this ad shouldn’t just win advertising awards, but also comedy ones.

I bet all of comedies greats are looking at this right now and clapping their hands in awe.

Nothing can beat this. Nothing.

Not even Pepsi’s previous attempt at comedy genius – the one where they linked the Mona Lisa’s smile to their logo design.

OK, so some may say the humour is too subtle, but come on, no one would believe that highly paid marketers and agency creative directors really think this reflects the attitudes and behaviour of modern day youth. I mean, apart from being utterly preposterous. it would be totally embarrassing.

No, this is comedy gold, pure and simple. Even the fact they launched it after April Fools Day is hilarious.

Thank you Pepsi for giving me the best laugh of 2017, though you should know being laughed at is not the same as making people laugh.

Pepsi: the choice for a generation that doesn’t exist.



Sometimes Technology Scares Me …

… no, I’m not talking about the fact a t-shirt company was able to use my data from Facebook and serve me an ad of a product featuring my hometown and my favourite band …

… I’m talking about the fact they think I would want to be seen in that t-shirt.

Yes, I know I have the taste of a 1980’s Australian pub singer, but even I wouldn’t wear that.

Big data might help companies get an idea of what their audience do, but it fails to understand what they like.

For all it’s cleverness, the way the data is interpreted – and used – by so many companies is embarrassingly simplistic.

Not simple. Simplistic.

A strategy of simply mashing random interests together is not a strategy, it’s an embarrassment.

Jesus …



Why You Should Never Ask Normal People To Act In A Video As A Normal Person …

As most of you know, I love car-crash internal videos.

I love them for so many reasons …

The ridiculousness of ego.

The appalling lack of judgement.

The desperation packaged as confidence.

While I’ve written about so many of these things over the years, my favourite has always been Singapore’s Media Development Authorities corporate snuff video.

Or it was until I saw this …

No, it’s not a spoof.

It’s actually meant to make working in the Australian Department of Finance look attractive.

Apparently it cost $4,000 … having looked at it, that’s still $3,995 too much.

What were they thinking?

OK, I get what they were thinking, but how did they think this was good enough to release?

Hell, they should have known it was going to be a pile of fucking awful the moment they saw the ‘script’.

But no …

And then there’s the decision to use the real employees in it.

I appreciate the attempt to make it authentic, but people can’t act being people.

Hell, even Keanu Reeves – a Hollywood actor – finds it hard to act being a person.

I get some intern may not realise the stupidity of agreeing to appear in something like this … but what about the senior guys? Unless they had a gun put against their head, they should have absolutely refused to do it.

Hell, if they were threatened with death, they should have taken that option because the embarrassment of appearing in something like this – or even working in a place that does something like this – is potentially career destroying.

All in all, this is going to be remembered for all the wrong reasons.

They could have saved it if they came out and said, “guess we should stick to working with the numbers that run the country, rather than act”, but no they’ve said nothing which means they might think this is really good.

Oh dear.

The lack of self-awareness within companies and organisations that supposedly understand or represent the masses is mind-blowing.

Worse, their lack of appreciation that everything you do say’s something about you to all who experience it is bordering on insanity.

But on the bright side, their blindness is my light.



Lazy Disruption …

Right now, in supermarkets across super-conservative Singapore, is this …

Yep … that’s a real thing.

The product originates from the UK but – unsurprisingly – had it’s advertising banned there on the grounds of indecency.

[Which is why I’m kind of scared what they mean by 100% natural]

The fact it has been able to run this sort of thing in Singapore highlights the authorities there are either ultra-naive or super-broadminded.

Given the Red Dot Nation is not renowned for its liberalness – despite things like this getting through the system – I assume the introduction of a hoverboard in the visual convinced the powers-that-be that this was a genuine ad for a brand celebrating an active lifestyle.

Idiots.

But not quite as idiotic as the immature boys/expat wankers who’ll buy the stuff thinking they’re being witty. On the positive, the moment they’re seen with a can, they’ll be more hated than a Nottingham Forest owner. And trust me, that’s seriously hated.