The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]


You Will Forever Be Home …
October 11, 2019, 6:55 am
Filed under: A Bit Of Inspiration, Attitude & Aptitude, Family, Mum & Dad

Thank you for everything. Every single thing.

All that happened in your 4 walls will always be remembered and treasured.

May everyone feel the love you let me feel.

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McMassesOfBacon …
October 2, 2019, 6:15 am
Filed under: A Bit Of Inspiration, Attitude & Aptitude, Comment, Family, Jill, Otis

A few weeks ago, we were driving to Nottingham very early.

We’d only been on the road about 30 minutes and the atmosphere in the car was toxic.

Everyone was snappy with each other.

Everyone was whining.

Everyone wanted to be somewhere else.

Anyway, like some contrived ad – I saw a McDonalds enter into view over the hill and decided to pull in.

I was making the assumption that we were either tired or hungry and even if it was neither, I was confident that putting a McMuffin of any description in our mouths would at least stop us being assholes to each other.

As it happened, we were hungry because within a few bites of food, the mood lightened dramatically … but not nearly as much as when Jill got her McBaconMuffin thing.

Why?

Because it looked like this.

I don’t know what made the people behind the counter put so much bacon in it, but for all their generosity, the fact it looked like the food equivalent of someone at the beach who hadn’t “groomed” ensured it wasn’t eaten but it was replaced by laughs.

So whoever made this porn food delight, thank you for making the rest of our journey a whole lot less eventful.



Happy Birthday To My Wonderful Dad …
September 17, 2019, 6:15 am
Filed under: A Bit Of Inspiration, Anniversary, Birthday, Comment, Dad, Daddyhood, Family, Jill, Love, Mum, Mum & Dad, Otis

Happy birthday Dad.

Oh how I wish you were around …

You’d be 81.

EIGHTY ONE!

I’m not sure what is more amazing … that or the fact it means you’ve been gone 21 years.

We would have had such a lovely day.

Now we are in England, we would have come down for the weekend and spent a few days there – organizing stuff, from a cake to a present.

Oh the present would be hard.

I’d want to get you something you have always wanted but could never get, let alone justify.

In a perfect world it would be an old Rolls Royce … in yellow … with white wall wheels.

I can see you now driving to Asda in it, laughing at the beautiful ridiculousness of it all.

God I’d love to have got you that … though I imagine that attitude would change quite quickly once I see how much the bloody thing cost to keep on the road.

But I’d still try and do it for you.

What you and Mum sacrificed for me will never be forgotten … will never be taken for granted.

I would do anything to be able to sit with you and talk about the choices and decisions I’ve made.

To see the corners of your beautiful blue eyes turn up with happiness knowing I am now ‘back home’.

I would love to give you a huge, huge hug and a big kiss on the cheek as I say “Hello Dad” … even though I know you would brush me aside so you could say hello to Jill and then your wonderful grandson.

Oh I wish you could have met them, you’d have absolutely loved them.

I can hear you asking them cheeky questions – at my expense.

The mischievous grin.

The dimple.

The tongue curling up on your top teeth to signify you know you have been a rascal.

For Mum to walk in and give you that look of loving exasperation as she says, “Oh Roger”.

There is almost nothing I would love more than to be with you today, though I suppose while I am not able to be physically with you, I am emotionally which leaves me with this.

I love you Dad.

I miss you so much.

A few weeks ago we went to visit Silvana’s flat in Bayswater and I started crying IN THE STREET.

OK, so I hadn’t been there for around 28 years, so seeing a place that contains so many memories of us being together really knocked me for six.

But in a lovely way.

I could see where you used to park … I could see us running up the steps to press the buzzer to be let in. I even went up and touched the front door because I knew you and Mum had done that and weirdly, it made me feel close to you.

I wish you were on the other side of that door.

I wish you were still here.

Happy birthday my wonderful Dad. Give Mum a hug from me.

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The Role Of Products Is As Much Dependent On How We See The World As They Want Us To See It …

Dear Ring Doorbell marketing people …

If you want your product to have more emotion in your communication, stop talking about stopping thieves and start talking about how your product can capture spontaneous moments of family love and happiness.

This picture of me with my son is one of my all time favourites.

Caught by your product as we waited for his Mum to open the door.

Imagine the instagram account you could have of happiness, love and family …

A much nicer association than the fear-mongering you tend to peddle.

You’re welcome.



Love Hurts For All It’s Wonderfulness …
September 5, 2019, 6:15 am
Filed under: A Bit Of Inspiration, Comment, Family, Fatherhood, Love

Today is Freddie Mercury’s birthday.

He would have been 73.

SEVENTY THREE!

While I would love to hear what he was creating if he were alive today, maybe it is dying so young that has made him immortal?

Immortality is an interesting one.

Because while it doesn’t exist in physical form, it does in terms of emotions and memories.

Or so I thought …

This post is about a story that came up on my Facebook feed from years ago that had made a huge impression on me when I first encountered it.

It’s the story of a mother who lost her son to a brain tumour and then – by pure chance – met the young man who had been given his heart.

It is beautiful, loving and heartbreakingly sad all at the same time, especially the last 5 words of the story.

You can read it at the bottom of this post.

However, when it first came out, I wasn’t a father and so reading it again as the proud Dad of an energetic 4 year old, meant the effect it had on me has been even more powerful.

I have a better understanding of what Freda Carter must have felt.

How meeting the boy who lived because her son sadly passed, let her once again feel close to her precious son.

No anger … no bitterness or resentment … just a chance to have one last chance with someone who has gone.

Apart from being a deeply emotional story, I think I connected to it deeply because I had lost my parents and even now, would do anything to have one more moment with them.

But now I’m a Dad, well … it gives me anguish just thinking about it.

And that’s why I have even more respect for Andy and his wife.

Without going into too much detail, they faced an unbelievably scary situation when their beautiful daughter Bonnie was very young.

While many would fall apart, they handled everything with utter grace and calm.

No anger.

No blame.

No pity.

Of course they were scared and I know behind the glare of their daughters, doctors, friends and families eyes, there were many tears and fears shared … but they were absolutely focused and resolute on ensuring their daughter was in an environment of love, calmness and compassion and they ensured everyone they knew had to abide by those rules.

At the time I think everyone understood their wishes but were concerned they were adding even more pressure on themselves, however now that time has passed and Bonnie is brilliantly well, I see the strength of character and love that drove them forward.

I hope I am never in the situation they faced.

But if I am, they would be the inspiration for how to best deal with it.

As would Freda Carter.

Ensuring the focus is on loving what is precious, not hating what you can’t control.



We Are Family …
September 4, 2019, 6:15 am
Filed under: A Bit Of Inspiration, Attitude & Aptitude, Comment, Daddyhood, Family, Jill, Mum, Mum & Dad, Otis, Parents

As I wrote yesterday, this is a big week in our household as Otis starts school.

Proper school.

In fact, he starts it in a few hours time.

Yes, today!!!

And while this is going to be a journey that will be filled with excitement and drama … tears and cheers … [and that’s just how his Mum and Dad will be when we wave him off later today] I had a glimpse of what might be in store for him in a way that took my breath away.

A few weeks ago, I wrote about how Otis has graduated from preschool.

Well from that day, Otis had this photo taken.

I saw it for the first time recently and I don’t mind telling you it stopped me in my tracks.

Not just because he is in full graduation gear – something his old man didn’t come close to achieving – but because of how much I see traces of my mum and me when we were young.

I wish Mum could see it, she would be chuffed to bits.

Just like I am.



Home Is A Place In The Mind …

As I wrote a while back, we are looking to buy a family home.

Well the good news is we have found one – and while we don’t move into it till December – we’re already getting excited about it.

But as I also wrote, to help us buy it, I was going to sell the house I inherited when Mum died.

The house that was my home for my entire childhood and early twenties.

Well, it has been sold and while I know my Mum would be incredibly happy the proceeds have helped her beloved son buy a home for his family, it’s still quite an emotional wrench.

I absolutely think I’ve done the right thing.

The street I grew up on all those years has changed beyond recognition.

Neighbours have gone.

The college at the end of the street has been knocked down.

My connection to the area is no longer what it once was.

But despite that, it will always hold a special place in my heart … a place that represents ‘childhood’ … a place where it was just Mum, Dad and me and I will treasure that forever.

Anyway, one of the things we have been doing while the purchase goes through has been to visit the house.

Part of this is my way of saying goodbye.

Part of this is to take some flowers so we can plant them in our new place and have a bit of my history in my present.

Part of this is just to let Otis feel a connection to a place that was so important to his Dad and – for a period of 3 weeks in 2015 – was where he also lived.

And while just spending a few minutes there every odd weekend may seem very small, I cannot tell you how much it has helped me reclaim some connection to my roots.

The picture at the top of this page, is one of those connections.

Seeing Otis in the garden I used to play in was wonderful.

The garden my parents absolutely treasured and loved.

It brought back all sorts of memories … from hiding under those fern trees playing ‘hide and seek’ through to running through a small gap that existed between the garden and the street [right behind where Otis is standing] that meant I could have a quick getaway when playing British bulldog or simply wanting to get to the ice cream van before anyone else.

That home will always be special to me.

That garden will always remind me of my parents.

The memories created in that house will always be previous.

And while I will soon say goodbye to it [though I have had it written into the contract I can visit it once every 5 years] I will forever be grateful for all it gave me … from a childhood home filled with happiness and love, through to giving me the chance to buy a house where my family can create the sort of memories that will be as precious to Otis as Nottingham was to me.

Thank you Mum and Dad, you keep on taking care of me.